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feet!
Evelyn disarms Deirdre using nothing but her toes. She then uses her feet to swiftly Jiu Jitsu the Bagel Followers holding her back.
She pulls Deirdre in for a hug. Deirdre resists.
EVELYN (CONT’D)
And in a universe where we both agree that no one could love you, if we look hard enough, mething
will prove us wrong.
(hugs deeper)
We are wrong.
DEIRDRE (BAGEL)
Stop this. Stop this now.
107-1 HOT DOG UNIVERSE: Evelyn is hugging Hot Dog Deirdre. Deirdre drops her suitcase and fully lets go into the hug.
107 TAXES UNIVERSE: Evelyn is hugging Deirdre who is clearly uncomfortable, trying not to reveal that she is moved.
107-3 BACK IN THE IRS: Deirdre begins to break down. Her fellow Bagel Followers whisper.
DEIRDRE (BAGEL) (CONT’D)
I feel nothing! Decree 46, I mean-
47. What’s the decree? I feel……
107-1 HOT DOG UNIVERSE: Using her toes, Evelyn unbuttons Deirdre’s Shirt then slaps her thighs. She is beginning the mating itual. Deirdre is over the moon.
107-3 ACTION UNIVERSE: Deirdre collapses to the ground. But no tears fall. She pulls out her verse jumping ear pieces. She looks up at Evelyn. They give each other a knowing nod.
Evelyn turns to see Jobu halfway up the stairs, but between them stand the Followers and the Alpha Jumpers who have teamed up. At the top of the stairs is Rick loaded up with vintage military gear, including an automatic rifle.
ALPHA GONG GONG
Don’t let her stop Jobu. Open fire!
DEIRDRE
No!
Rick pulls the trigger.
Evelyn steps in front of Deirdre blocking the shower of bullets, but instead of ripping through her, they stop and begin to RUMBLE.
Evelyn looks at a bullet gently pushing up against her forehead. She grabs it-
107 FLASH: TAXES UNIVERSE: EXT. LAUNDROMAT - She reaches down to the baseball bat on the concrete. She plucks a googly eye from itPOP. The bullet is now a googly eye. She sticks it to her forehead like a third eye.
POP! Every bullet touching her becomes a googly eye. She pushes the googly eyes, sending them flying and sticking to everything: guns, helmets, computer monitors. Everything is Suddenly a lot cuter.
A107 ROCK UNIVERSE: EXT. FIELD
Evelyn Rock suddenly jiggles. Just a little.
JOBU ROCK
Stop that. You aren’t supposed to move here. You’re just a rock.
EVELYN ROCK
There are no rules!
Evelyn Rock wiggles around to reveal: Her Rock now has two googly eyes.
JOBU ROCK
Evelyn, I swear to god if you ruin my favorite universeA107-1 ACTION UNIVERSE: INT. IRS
WAYMOND
Evelyn, what are you doing?
Alpha Gong Gong shouts for everyone to attack! They charge.
Evelyn nods. She is understanding her place in the noise.
EVELYN
I’m learning to fight like you.
Evelyn serenely dodges a kick, ducks under a fist with a broken mug used as brass knuckles. She makes a Bagel Follower and Alpha Jumper kiss, she turns a grenade into a nostalgic perfume spray in Rick’s face, she stretches and cracks Someone’s back - in a good way.
Waymond can’t believe his eyes. Is this working?
An Alpha Jumper attacks with a pair of scissors- it’s the District Manager! Evelyn grabs the scissors- RUMBLE
A107-2 FLASH: JANITOR UNIVERSE: INT. SEX CLOSET: Janitor Evelyn grabs a ball gag from the wallA107-1 POP! The scissors are now a ball gag. She pops it into the District Manager’s mouthA107-3 FLASH: JANITOR UNIVERSE: We reveal Evelyn is dressed in a full dominatrix outfit. She bends the District Manager over her knee and slaps him on the ass.
A107-1 The slap is so strong that it ripples through his whole body, Sending the bluetooth ear pieces flying out. With tears in his eyes he mouths “Thank You, Mommy.”
Evelyn sees Jobu approaching the Bagel. Thinking quickly, she grabs the District Manager’s belt and turns it into a whip.
She uses it to wrap around Jobu’s ankle, which causes her to Stumble down the stairs. Jobu looks up furious.
Evelyn steps on Jobu’s untied laces then turns to a charging Bagel Follower who holds a knife - it’s her Kung Fu Master.
108 MOVIE STAR UNIVERSE: EXT. MOVIE THEATER STREET CORNER
On a bustling sidewalk, Evelyn chases Waymond through the crowd. She SLAMS into someone. It’s her Master.
KUNG FU MASTER
你已經⾛了⼤半路了, 不要前功盡棄.
KUNG FU MASTER
You walk half the road, only to give up?
She pulls out the cookie, taunting her.
EVELYN (MOVIE STAR)
你以前説過, 功夫可以是任何東西, 就算是塊是餅乾.師傅, 我終於準備去做我⾃⼰的餅乾了.
EVELYN (MOVIE STAR)
You once said, Gong Fu can be anything, even that cookie.
Master, I am finally ready to chase a different cookie.
Evelyn looks back at Waymond disappearing around a corner.
She begins to attempt to take the Master’s cookie-
109 ACTION UNIVERSE: INT. IRS 9TH FLOOR ATRIUM
Evelyn attempts to pull her Master’s knife from her hand. She Succeeds, and turns it into one of Waymond’s smiley face cookies then shoves it in her mouth. Though the Master is confused, something seems oddly familiar about this.
While she’s distracted, Evelyn knocks out her ear pieces.
Shoeless Jobu attempts to escape, but Michelle grabs her coat belt and ties herself to her daughter.
Suddenly a gun is against her head. It’s Debbie the Dog Mom.
She grabs the gun, RUMBLE POP! The gun is now a phone midvideo call with Debbie’s toddler son wearing a birthday hat.
Debbie gasps.
HUMAN BABY PERSON BOY
(voiced by Spaghetti Boy)
Mom? Are you coming? Remember, Daddy said I can have both mommies at my party this year.
Debbie (the MOM) is overwhelmed with a moment of clarity.
110 NOODLE UNIVERSE: INT. BOILING POT
A stray spaghetti strand reaches out of the fray and down into the depths of the pot to grab onto her son.
SPAGHETTI BABY NOODLE BOY
What are you doing?
Evelyn Spaghetti threads her noodle body through her macaroni Son’s elbow and lifts him off the bottom.
EVELYN (NOODLE)
It’s throwing day, Spaghetti Baby Noodle Boy, and I’ll be damned if a baby noodle boy of mine don’t Stick!
Noodle Baby Boy is as shocked as a noodle baby boy can be.
111 ACTION UNIVERSE: INT. IRS 9TH FLOOR ATRIUM
Evelyn yanks out Debbie the Dog Mom’s ear pieces before gesturing for her to leave. She nods and runs away.
DEBBIE THE DOG MOM
Mommy’s coming, honey!
A hand grabs Evelyn’s hair and pulls her to the ground. She grabs her own hair, which turns into spaghetti, allowing her to free herself.
Then desperately throws the fist-fulls of spaghetti at Jobu.
They bounce off her and land on the floor. Splat.
JOBU
Oh no, not Spaghetti! What did you think was going toJobu slips on the spaghetti, again stumbling down the stairs.
JOBU (CONT’D)
How the hell did that work?
EVELYN
A statistical inevitability!
Evelyn turns around, grabs her attacker’s hair, causing his arms to lift straight up in the air, knocking his hat off:
CHAD?
111-1 CHEF UNIVERSE: EXT. BENIHANA’S - Evelyn approaches Chad who is slumped on the curb.
CHAD (CHEF)
That raccoon completed me. I’m useless alone.
111 ACTION UNIVERSE: Evelyn control’s Chad’s body using his hair.
Evelyn disarms Deirdre using nothing but her toes. She then uses her feet to swiftly Jiu Jitsu the Bagel Followers holding her back.
She pulls Deirdre in for a hug. Deirdre resists.
EVELYN (CONT’D)
And in a universe where we both agree that no one could love you, if we look hard enough, mething
will prove us wrong.
(hugs deeper)
We are wrong.
DEIRDRE (BAGEL)
Stop this. Stop this now.
107-1 HOT DOG UNIVERSE: Evelyn is hugging Hot Dog Deirdre. Deirdre drops her suitcase and fully lets go into the hug.
107 TAXES UNIVERSE: Evelyn is hugging Deirdre who is clearly uncomfortable, trying not to reveal that she is moved.
107-3 BACK IN THE IRS: Deirdre begins to break down. Her fellow Bagel Followers whisper.
DEIRDRE (BAGEL) (CONT’D)
I feel nothing! Decree 46, I mean-
47. What’s the decree? I feel……
107-1 HOT DOG UNIVERSE: Using her toes, Evelyn unbuttons Deirdre’s Shirt then slaps her thighs. She is beginning the mating itual. Deirdre is over the moon.
107-3 ACTION UNIVERSE: Deirdre collapses to the ground. But no tears fall. She pulls out her verse jumping ear pieces. She looks up at Evelyn. They give each other a knowing nod.
Evelyn turns to see Jobu halfway up the stairs, but between them stand the Followers and the Alpha Jumpers who have teamed up. At the top of the stairs is Rick loaded up with vintage military gear, including an automatic rifle.
ALPHA GONG GONG
Don’t let her stop Jobu. Open fire!
DEIRDRE
No!
Rick pulls the trigger.
Evelyn steps in front of Deirdre blocking the shower of bullets, but instead of ripping through her, they stop and begin to RUMBLE.
Evelyn looks at a bullet gently pushing up against her forehead. She grabs it-
107 FLASH: TAXES UNIVERSE: EXT. LAUNDROMAT - She reaches down to the baseball bat on the concrete. She plucks a googly eye from itPOP. The bullet is now a googly eye. She sticks it to her forehead like a third eye.
POP! Every bullet touching her becomes a googly eye. She pushes the googly eyes, sending them flying and sticking to everything: guns, helmets, computer monitors. Everything is Suddenly a lot cuter.
A107 ROCK UNIVERSE: EXT. FIELD
Evelyn Rock suddenly jiggles. Just a little.
JOBU ROCK
Stop that. You aren’t supposed to move here. You’re just a rock.
EVELYN ROCK
There are no rules!
Evelyn Rock wiggles around to reveal: Her Rock now has two googly eyes.
JOBU ROCK
Evelyn, I swear to god if you ruin my favorite universeA107-1 ACTION UNIVERSE: INT. IRS
WAYMOND
Evelyn, what are you doing?
Alpha Gong Gong shouts for everyone to attack! They charge.
Evelyn nods. She is understanding her place in the noise.
EVELYN
I’m learning to fight like you.
Evelyn serenely dodges a kick, ducks under a fist with a broken mug used as brass knuckles. She makes a Bagel Follower and Alpha Jumper kiss, she turns a grenade into a nostalgic perfume spray in Rick’s face, she stretches and cracks Someone’s back - in a good way.
Waymond can’t believe his eyes. Is this working?
An Alpha Jumper attacks with a pair of scissors- it’s the District Manager! Evelyn grabs the scissors- RUMBLE
A107-2 FLASH: JANITOR UNIVERSE: INT. SEX CLOSET: Janitor Evelyn grabs a ball gag from the wallA107-1 POP! The scissors are now a ball gag. She pops it into the District Manager’s mouthA107-3 FLASH: JANITOR UNIVERSE: We reveal Evelyn is dressed in a full dominatrix outfit. She bends the District Manager over her knee and slaps him on the ass.
A107-1 The slap is so strong that it ripples through his whole body, Sending the bluetooth ear pieces flying out. With tears in his eyes he mouths “Thank You, Mommy.”
Evelyn sees Jobu approaching the Bagel. Thinking quickly, she grabs the District Manager’s belt and turns it into a whip.
She uses it to wrap around Jobu’s ankle, which causes her to Stumble down the stairs. Jobu looks up furious.
Evelyn steps on Jobu’s untied laces then turns to a charging Bagel Follower who holds a knife - it’s her Kung Fu Master.
108 MOVIE STAR UNIVERSE: EXT. MOVIE THEATER STREET CORNER
On a bustling sidewalk, Evelyn chases Waymond through the crowd. She SLAMS into someone. It’s her Master.
KUNG FU MASTER
你已經⾛了⼤半路了, 不要前功盡棄.
KUNG FU MASTER
You walk half the road, only to give up?
She pulls out the cookie, taunting her.
EVELYN (MOVIE STAR)
你以前説過, 功夫可以是任何東西, 就算是塊是餅乾.師傅, 我終於準備去做我⾃⼰的餅乾了.
EVELYN (MOVIE STAR)
You once said, Gong Fu can be anything, even that cookie.
Master, I am finally ready to chase a different cookie.
Evelyn looks back at Waymond disappearing around a corner.
She begins to attempt to take the Master’s cookie-
109 ACTION UNIVERSE: INT. IRS 9TH FLOOR ATRIUM
Evelyn attempts to pull her Master’s knife from her hand. She Succeeds, and turns it into one of Waymond’s smiley face cookies then shoves it in her mouth. Though the Master is confused, something seems oddly familiar about this.
While she’s distracted, Evelyn knocks out her ear pieces.
Shoeless Jobu attempts to escape, but Michelle grabs her coat belt and ties herself to her daughter.
Suddenly a gun is against her head. It’s Debbie the Dog Mom.
She grabs the gun, RUMBLE POP! The gun is now a phone midvideo call with Debbie’s toddler son wearing a birthday hat.
Debbie gasps.
HUMAN BABY PERSON BOY
(voiced by Spaghetti Boy)
Mom? Are you coming? Remember, Daddy said I can have both mommies at my party this year.
Debbie (the MOM) is overwhelmed with a moment of clarity.
110 NOODLE UNIVERSE: INT. BOILING POT
A stray spaghetti strand reaches out of the fray and down into the depths of the pot to grab onto her son.
SPAGHETTI BABY NOODLE BOY
What are you doing?
Evelyn Spaghetti threads her noodle body through her macaroni Son’s elbow and lifts him off the bottom.
EVELYN (NOODLE)
It’s throwing day, Spaghetti Baby Noodle Boy, and I’ll be damned if a baby noodle boy of mine don’t Stick!
Noodle Baby Boy is as shocked as a noodle baby boy can be.
111 ACTION UNIVERSE: INT. IRS 9TH FLOOR ATRIUM
Evelyn yanks out Debbie the Dog Mom’s ear pieces before gesturing for her to leave. She nods and runs away.
DEBBIE THE DOG MOM
Mommy’s coming, honey!
A hand grabs Evelyn’s hair and pulls her to the ground. She grabs her own hair, which turns into spaghetti, allowing her to free herself.
Then desperately throws the fist-fulls of spaghetti at Jobu.
They bounce off her and land on the floor. Splat.
JOBU
Oh no, not Spaghetti! What did you think was going toJobu slips on the spaghetti, again stumbling down the stairs.
JOBU (CONT’D)
How the hell did that work?
EVELYN
A statistical inevitability!
Evelyn turns around, grabs her attacker’s hair, causing his arms to lift straight up in the air, knocking his hat off:
CHAD?
111-1 CHEF UNIVERSE: EXT. BENIHANA’S - Evelyn approaches Chad who is slumped on the curb.
CHAD (CHEF)
That raccoon completed me. I’m useless alone.
111 ACTION UNIVERSE: Evelyn control’s Chad’s body using his hair.
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