奥斯卡最佳原创剧本奖  原版剧本  英文剧本  美国

　　Its Jobu Tupaki， and consider yourself blessed to be in her presence!
　　Bagel Deirdre steps out and bows her head before Jobu who transformed her bloody clothes into clean golfing attire.
　　EVELYN
　　The "Great Evil" that Waymond was talking about…… is in my Joy？
　　DEIRDRE （BAGEL）
　　Do not mistake what you see from your limited perspective as "evil".
　　Decree 241， rule 6: There is no good， there is no evil. There is only “goovil”.
　　EVELYN
　　Shut up! Her name is Joy. A beautiful name. This， this is just make up sounds.
　　JOBU
　　That’s exactly right， Evelyn.
　　EVELYN
　　Stop calling me that! I am your mother!
　　
　　59 ALPHAVERSE: INT. LAUNDRY RV CONTROL ROOM
　　
　　Alpha Waymond is trying to wake up in the IRS building.
　　ALPHA WAYMOND
　　Don’t engage. She can’t be reasoned with.
　　
　　60 INT. IRS 9TH FLOOR - ORIGINAL UNIVERSE
　　
　　Evelyn’s mind is going a mile a minute. She gasps.
　　EVELYN
　　It’s you. It’s been you this whole time. You are the reason my daughter doesn’t call anymore. Why She dropped out of college， gets tattoos. You are why she thinks She’s a gay.
　　JOBU
　　Hah! You’re still hung up on the fact that I like girls in this world？ The universe is so much bigger than you realize， Evelyn.
　　我都乾了（I’ve fucked everything.）
　　EVELYN
　　Watch your language!
　　She struggles to get away， but Jobu continues to stalk her.
　　JOBU
　　You’ve fucked everything too.
　　Girls. Dogs. Cars……
　　She pulls a picture frame off the wall and with a RUMBLE POP POP POP， we see the photo in the frame change to photos of Evelyn lovingly with Deirdre， a dog， a car.
　　EVELYN
　　Never.
　　DEIRDRE （BAGEL）
　　Decree 3707， rule 34: If you can imagine it， you have fucked it.
　　JOBU
　　In this very moment， there’s a world where you and your auditor over here are deeply in love.
　　The pictures flicker and show Deirdre and Evelyn on vacation， walking their cat on a leash， etc. Evelyn looks from the photos to Deirdre who nods menacingly.
　　JOBU （CONT’D）
　　You miss her when she is gone. You love the way she smells. Her obsession with Crossfit and bird watching……
　　EVELYN
　　Impossible.
　　DEIRDRE （BAGEL）
　　Do not be so closed minded that you blind yourself from the truth!
　　EVELYN
　　I’m not close minded! I just don’t like you. Nobody likes you Deirdre!
　　DEIRDRE （BAGEL）
　　Your insults mean nothing in the grand scheme of the cosmo-ho-ho……
　　Deirdre begins to cry. She beats her chest and slaps herself.
　　DEIRDRE （BAGEL） （CONT’D）
　　C’mon Deirdre! C’mon! Keep it together. We worked on this.
　　Deirdre runs off crying down the hallway. Jobu sighs.
　　JOBU
　　Look， I’ll be out of this universe in a jiffy. I’m just popping in， to check on something.
　　Jobu reaches her hand towards Evelyn who defensively strikes a fighting pose. The DEEP RUMBLE begins to rise.
　　EVELYN
　　Don’t make me fight you. I am really really good.
　　Evelyn closes her eyes to concentrate. But she can’t.
　　
　　60-1 FLASH: MOVIE STAR UNIVERSE: Evelyn is being ushered through， adoring fans， flashing photographers， a dancing popcorn and hot dog on a poster.
　　
　　60-2 FLASH: TAXES UNIVERSE: Evelyn is trying to work on her taxes.
　　
　　She sees a picture on the wall of Joy as a child next to a child’s drawing of a man with wiggly worm fingers.
　　
　　60-3 ALPHAVERSE: INT. LAUNDRY RV - On screen images FLASH: a clenched fist， hot dogs， Joy’s portrait， Joy’s childhood drawing， back to a fist， etc.
　　ALPHA WAYMOND
　　No， Evelyn， you’re not locked in!
　　
　　60 BACK IN THE IRS: Evelyn backs up against a wall.
　　Jobu looks down to notice Evelyn has peed her pants. Her bluetooth FLICKERS YELLOW AND GREEN. Jobu nods impressed.
　　Evelyn presses the bluetooth. Her head cocks back.
　　Both her hands go limp as if they have been pumped full of anesthesia. Her handcuffs slide off to the floor.
　　She tries to punch Jobu， but her floppy fingers just bounce off her face.
　　
　　61 ALPHAVERSE: INT. LAUNDRY RV CONTROL ROOM
　　
　　ALPHA WAYMOND
　　Where did she jump？!
　　ALPHA OFFICER #1
　　She’s off the damn map.
　　
　　62 HOTDOG UNIVERSE: INT. LAUNDROMAT
　　
　　Evelyn is back in her laundromat， but Deirdre is standing next to her watching TV instead of Waymond.
　　On TV， they are watching the same old musical from this morning. Only the lovers both have hot dogs for fingers. They begin to circle each other， slapping their thighs in a bizarre love ritual as the music swells.
　　Deirdre sighs and wipes a tear with a hot dog finger.
　　DEIRDRE
　　Oh honey， isn’t it beautiful？
　　Evelyn looks down at her own hot dog hands and shrieks.
　　
　　63 ALPHAVERSE: INT. LAUNDRY RV CONTROL ROOM
　　
　　ALPHA OFFICER #1
　　She appears to be in a universe where everyone has hot dogs instead of fingers.
　　ALPHA OFFICER #2
　　An evolutionary branch in the anatomy of the human race？
　　
　　64 EXT. ROCKY DESERT （ALA 2001 A SPACE ODYSSEY）
　　
　　A monkey with hot dog fingers murders a normal fingered monkey with her hot dogs. Other monkeys whoop and scream.
　　OFFICER #2 （VO）
　　A jump like that would fry most people.
　　ALPHA WAYMOND （VO）
　　Like I said， she’s not most people.
　　The normal fingered monkey’s outstretched hand falls limp （but still has bones）.
　　
　　65 INT. IRS 9TH FLOOR HALLWAY
　　
　　Evelyn stumbles against a door. She tries to grab the handle but her fingers are useless and she crumples onto the floor.
　　EVELYN
　　This is crazy.
　　（MORE）
　　JOBU
　　You’re starting to get it.