编剧培训班
编剧培训班
剧本诊断
剧本诊断
字数:177587
豆瓣评分:9.7
阅读:154339
添加:2011/4/1
贡献:美丽人生
悬疑 电影剧本 名作鉴赏
肖申克的救赎(中英对照) (1994)
编剧:弗兰克·达拉邦特、斯蒂芬·金
  • 故事梗概
  • 作品正文
  RED (softly)瑞德(轻轻地)
  Is that Jake? “是杰克吗?”
  
  123 INT -- WOOD SHOP -- DAY (1954) 123内景—木材厂—白天
  Red is making something at his bench, sanding and planing.
  瑞德在他的长凳上做东西,边打磨边设计。
  
  RED (V.O.)瑞德(旁白)
  It never would have occurred to us, if not for Andy. It was his idea. We all agreed it was the right
  thing to do……
  “如果安迪没有想到,我们永远也想不到。这是他的主意。我们都认为这样做是对的。”
  
  124 EXT -- FIELDS -- DAY (1954) 124外景—田地—白天
  Low hilly terrain all around. A HUNDRED CONS are at work in the fields. GUARDS patrol with carbines, keeping a sharp eye. We find Andy, Red, and the boys working with picks and shovels. They glance over to the pickup truck. Hadley‘s chewing the fat with Mert and Youngblood. A WHISTLE BLOWS.
  到处都是丘岭,一百多个犯人正在田地上工作。守卫们拿着卡宾枪巡逻,严密的监视着干活的犯人。安迪、瑞德他们拿着镐和锨在干活,他们不时瞥一眼停在那儿的卡车。哈雷和摩特与杨伯拉德则在一起嚼舌头,哨声响起。
  
  GUARD守卫
  Water break! Five minutes! “喝水时间!五分钟!”
  
  The work stops. Cons head for the pickup truck, where water is dispensed with dipper and pail. Red and the boys look to Andy. Andy nods. Now‘s the time. The group moves off through the confusion, using it as cover. They head up the slope of a nearby hill and quickly decide on a suitable spot. The guards haven‘t noticed.
  犯人们停止干活,走向卡车,水在那儿用长勺和桶分发。瑞德他们看看安迪,安迪点点头。是时候了!他们利用混乱,穿过人群。他们走到附近的一个山丘的斜坡,找到一块合适的地方,守卫们并没注意到。
  
  Jigger and Floyd start swinging picks into the soft earth, quickly ripping out a hole. Red reaches into his jacket and pulls out a beautiful wooden box, carefully stained and varnished. He shows it around to nods of approval.
  齐格尔和弗洛伊德开始挥镐锄土,迅速的挖出一个洞来。瑞德从夹克里取出一个漂亮的木盒,被用心的上了色和涂了漆。他让大家看看,大家点头称赞。
  
  ANDY安迪
  That‘s real pretty, Red. Nice work. “真漂亮!瑞德,干得好!”
  
  HEYWOOD海沃德
  Shovel man in. Watch the dirt. “铁锨人来啦,看我的吧。”
  
  124 CONTINUED 124
  Heywood jumps in and starts spading out the hole. 海沃德跳进去开始住洞外铲土。
  
  125 BY THE TRUCK 125卡车旁
  Youngblood glances up and sees the men on the slope. 杨伯拉德抬起头看到斜坡上的人们。
  
  YOUNGBLOOD杨伯拉德
  What the fuck. “怎么搞的?”
  
  HADLEY (follows his gaze)哈雷(随着他的眼光望去)
  HEY.‘ YOU MEN UP THERE.‘ GET YOUR ASSES OFF THAT SLOPE!
  “嗨!在那儿的人马上从斜坡上给我滚下来!”
  (works his rifle bolt) (他拉上枪栓)
  YOU HAPPY ASSHOLES GONE DEAF? YOU GOT FIVE SECONDS ‘FORE I SHOOT SOMEBODY!
  “你们这些快乐的王八蛋聋了吗?给你们五秒钟,否则我就开枪了!”
  
  Suddenly, other cons start breaking away in groups, dozens of them heading toward the slope. The guards look around.
  突然,其他的犯人们分散开来,有十几个人向斜坡走去,守卫们四处张望。
  
  HADLEY哈雷
  What am I, talkin‘ to myself? “我在跟自己说话吗?”
  
  126 ON THE SLOPE 126斜坡上
  Andy pulls a towel-wrapped bundle from his jacket and unfolds it. Jake. Andy lays him in the box, followed by Brook‘s letter. Red places the casket in the hole. A moment of silence. Andy gives Red with an encouraging nod.
  安迪从夹克里取出一个用毛巾裹着的包,打开。是杰克。安迪把它放到盒子里,随后是布鲁克斯的信。接着,安迪把匣子放进洞里。沉寂了一会儿,安迪点头鼓励瑞德。
  
  RED瑞德
  Lord. Brooks was a sinner. Jake was just a crow. Neither was much to look at. Both got institutionalized. See what you can do for ‘em. Amen.
  “主啊,布鲁克斯是个罪人,杰克只是个乌鸦。他们都无足轻重,同被制度所化。看看您能为他们做点什么吧,阿门。”
  
  Muttered "amens" all around. The boys shovel dirt onto the small grave and tamp it down.
  周围一片“阿门”的声音。人们把土填到这个小墓穴中,夯实。
  
  127 INT -- SHAWSHANK CORRIDORS -- DAY (1955) 127内景—肖申克监狱走廊—白天
  RAPID DOLLY with Hadley. He‘s striding, pissed-off, a man on emission. He straight-arms a door and emerges onto--
  镜头跟着哈雷快速的移动。他大步走着,极其愤怒,一个要眼看要爆发的人。他伸手推开门走出来。
  
  128 EXT -- SHAWSHANK PRISON WALL -- DAY (1955) 128 外景—监狱高墙—白天
  -- the wall overlooking the exercise yard. He leans on the railing, scans the yard, sees Andy chatting with Red.
  高墙俯瞰着操场。哈雷靠着扶栏,扫视,看见安迪在跟瑞德聊天。
  
  HADLEY哈雷
  Dufresne! What the fuck did you do? (Andy looks up) Your ass, warden‘s office, now!
  “杜弗兰!你他妈的做什么啦?(安迪抬头看)“你个混帐,典狱长办公室,快点!”
  
  Andy shoots a worried look at Red, then heads off. 安迪担心的看了一眼瑞德,然后走了。
  
  GUARD DESK/WARDEN‘S OUTER OFFICE -- DAY 内景—办公桌/诺顿外办公室—白天
  Dozens of parcel boxes litter the floor. WILEY, the duty guard, picks through them. Hadley enters, trailed by Andy.
  几十个包裹盒子散落在地板上,韦利,值班守卫,在挑捡信件。哈德进入,安迪跟着。
  
  ANDY安迪
  What is all this? “这些是什么?”
  
  HADLEY哈雷
  You tell me, fuck-stick! They‘re addressed to you, every damn one!
  “你告诉我,臭小子!都是寄给你的,全他妈的是!”
  
  Wiley thrusts an envelope at Andy. Andy just stares at it.
  韦利塞给安迪一个信封,安迪只是盯着看。
  
  WILEY韦利
  Well, take it. “喂,拿着。”
  
  Andy takes the envelope, pulls out a letter, reads: 安迪接过信封,抽出信,念道:
  
  ANDY安迪
  "Dear Mr. Dufresne. In response to your repeated inquiries, the State Senate has allocated the enclosed funds for your library project……"
  “亲爱的杜弗兰先生,为了答复您重复的请求,州议院已经拔款(信内附支票)给您的图书馆方案。”(stunned, examines check) (惊喜地看着支票)
  
  This is two hundred dollars. 是两百美元。
  
  Wiley grins. Hadley glares at him. The grin vanishes.
  韦利咧嘴笑了起来,哈雷瞪他一眼,笑容消失。
  
  ANDY安迪
  "In addition, the Library District has generously responded with a charitable donation of used books and sundries. We trust this will fill your needs. We now consider the matter closed. Please stop sending us letters. Yours truly, the State Comptroller‘s Office."
  “另外,图书馆议院区还提供了大量的捐赠来的旧书和一些杂物。我们相信这能满足您的需要。现在这件事已经结束,请不要再寄信给我们。”
  
  Andy gazes around at the boxes. The riches of the world lay at his feet. His eyes mist with emotion at the sight.
  安迪打量着这些包裹,世上的财富躺在他的脚下。看这些书,他的眼睛有些湿润了。
  
  HADLEY哈雷
  I want all this cleared out before the warden gets back, I shit you not.
  “典狱长回来之前,所有的东西都得清理出去,否则有你好看!”
  
  Hadley exits. Andy touches the boxes like a love-struck man touching a beautiful woman. Wiley grins.
  哈雷走了,安迪摸着那些盒子,就像热恋中的男人在抚摸他漂亮的女人。韦利又笑了。
  
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共有 43 个评论
梅雪飞  湖北武汉 2024/12/8 13:42:54 
英文太到位了
横眉冷退  四川凉山州 2022/4/13 13:07:51 
如果我是诺顿,我就让囚犯们轮换牢房,一年一换,完全随机。那么,你懂的,自由就被关住了,关得死死的。
GintY  广东东莞 2022/1/16 16:43:05 
挺经典的,不过有点get不到一个正能量的主旨,感觉负面气息挺严重的
前行  广东深圳 2022/1/2 13:59:52 
大赞。这样写故事的方式值得学习,太棒了。一,时间(时空)处理上,写得妙。两张明星画相海报把时间跨度交代得清清楚楚。二,其实编剧最怕的是在写剧本时,过多用独白。原因是怕过多解释剧情和情节,让故事没有悬念,没看头。但这个故事处理得很巧妙。独白并没有向前解释剧情,使故事永远留下悬念。三是交叉剪辑手法。让故事越来越有看头,充满悬念。
前行  广东深圳 2021/12/30 15:00:41 
太好了,电影拉片剧本。其实电影的对白不需要什么华丽的语言,就是平常人所说的话,脱口而出。通俗易懂。还有是镜头语言表达。如果是要按真正的语言表达标准来要求,有的语句甚至可以说是病句,按正规的主谓宾表达方式要求,如果真正那样做,有不少病句,不通顺的地方出现。但并不影响对一个电影剧本的完美表达。还有一个是,有的时候,对方要求编剧写剧本时,有字数要求,规定三万字以内之类的。显然是忽略了电影的表达方式。只要它是一个好故事,表达方式能深入电影中的每一个细节,这就是好剧本。字数多点又如何。
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